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Agree On These 4 Things And Your Marriage Will Improve!

Richard's in Arizona do you have any

tips on getting my significant other on

board we've been together for about ten

years and for the past four years I've

been making good money but nothing to

show for it all she wants to do is take

vacations and go out to eat Richard

you're probably not gonna like my advice

but I'll give it to you anyway because

you asked here's the thing I answer

questions on this show what would I do

if I were in your shoes and I have read

I don't know 20 25 studies with all

kinds of data points in them that

indicate all of them conclusively that

people who are married get along better

than people who are shacked up when it

comes to money and people who are

married versus being shacked up actually

statistically become wealthier on

average now there's exceptions obviously

but there's a tremendous data out there

that talks about the benefits of

marriage now I look at that through as a

Christian through a moral lens as well

but that's not what I'm talking about

here I'm talking about just the

practical data points that say that your

relationship functions better in that

situation it's a little different

telling your girlfriend what to do then

it is your wife it's a little different

telling your husband what to do then

your boyfriend or when something's

important to you I think we should do

this but there's not really a we I think

we need to get on a budget and we need

to save for retirement but there's not

really a we not legally speaking and for

that matter not spiritually speaking and

data so is not relationally speaking

you're just that you leave yourself at a

disadvantage there so you asked you know

so I'll just tell you I think part of

the problem is marriage so I think you

get married and part of your pre

marriage counseling even though you've

been together for a bazillion years you

gotta sit down with a good pastor a good

marriage coach a good marriage counselor

and get pre-marriage counseling should

include let's get on the same page with

money and you know we need to be on the

same page with money we need to say okay

we're gonna live on a written plan that

we both agree to and that we both have a

vote on so it's not me telling you what

to do not you telling me what to do but

we're gonna get on a plan and we're

gonna work towards being debt-free why

because that leads us to be able to be

more generous and be able to go on

vacations or go out to eat and that kind

of stuff but I mean if you will just

step back and say it's tough for me to

get my roommate to not want to go out to

eat that's a different discussion than I

want to talk to my wife about we eat out

too much because when we're 80 years old

we're gonna be broke if we don't

straighten this out it's a different

discussion it really is and I know some

of you don't think it is but you're

wrong again I've read 20 25 Studies on

this and there's all kinds of

socio-economic psychological relational

data out there that matches up with my

faith belief as well which happens to be

handy but um but is it's not just this

blind thing of all day rim's is one of

those guys that believes in God

well yeah is one of those guys who

believes in God and so that's probably

if you ought to be married before you're

sleeping together I know don't but

that's just that I know that I know

something you don't like that and you

know how much I care not at all

so that's what I believe and so you

asked you're going to get that then

that's what you're gonna get so by the

way those of you that are getting

engaged or thinking about getting

married one of the best pieces of

research that I ever saw and I've read

it in

probably bred similar conclusions in

several different locations says that

before you get married if you if you

want a highly successful marriage and a

very low probability of a future of

divorce I mean it takes your divorce

rate well under 10 percent if you do

this it's amazing these four things be

in agreement on these four things money

is the big one number one thing people

fight about in marriage in relationships

is money so be in agreement on it

finding agreement on money is everything

because where you spend your money says

what you think is important and when you

think two different things are important

all the time you're never going to have

fun now if you can get to both of them

that's fine but you're never going to

have a great relationship when one of

you wants to spend like you're in

Congress and the other wants to save

everything and live in a cave and only

come out on triple coupon Thursday and

collects lint you know and so you have

to get on this you have to have this

discussion this meeting of the minds on

your value system on money and that's a

budget that's getting out of debt that's

building wealth it's putting money in

the 401k because we want to be in every

day millionaire all those kinds of

things right

being an agreement on money is one of

the things number two is being in

agreement on kids how many to have if

we're going to have them and how we're

going to treat them Ramsey's are

old-fashioned people as you can already

tell the inmates do not run the asylum

at our place we are in charge you're

smaller than me I can take you out and

make another one that looks just like

you that was my theory and so you're

going to behave and my grandkids are

being raised the same way thank you

Jesus

so there you go we're not mean or just

don't raise little hellions that think

they're in charge they're respectful and

as the three-year-old said the other day

they have consequences if they're not

what three year old says consequences

rachel cruises that's a

and vocabulary unbelievable so I have

consequences you should get your butt

busted it's a good thing you know

so how you're gonna treat your kids how

many you're gonna have if you're gonna

have them the third one is in Los are

you gonna deal with the crazy people in

each other's family and every family has

crazy in it if you don't think there's

crazy in your family it's you every

family has crazy in it somewhere how are

you going to deal with some kind of

someone who's going to violate a

boundary at some point and if you don't

have that setup you're gonna get to

experience it and it's going to be a

strain on your relationship and the last

one is being in agreement on religion

it's very unusual for people to have

long long long happy high quality

relationships that have two different

spiritual beliefs now I'm not talking

about Baptist or Methodist I'm talking

about you know one of you doesn't

believe there's a god one of you does so

on that kind of thing because it changed

your value system gives you your beliefs

and your beliefs give you your attitudes

and those give you your actions and so

your actions are always going to be in

conflict with each other when you don't

have basic belief systems and in harmony

that's what it comes down to so you need

to be in agreement on religion in-laws

kids and money if you do that prior to

marriage I'm telling you you could

almost wipe out the probability of

divorce if you want to add to it a

couple of things there's a couple other

data points if the household income

stays over 50,000 you did not have a

child prior to marriage out of wedlock

in other words you both graduate from

college these are all variables you

control

if you do that with the four things I'm

talking about your divorce rate drops

below 5% 52% of Americans end up in

divorce yeah but it's messed up

situations most of the time you can

control a lot of these variables it's

the quality of your character the

quality of your life and the quality of

your decisions and being in harmony

intentionally this is the Dave Ramsey

show