Learning Piano to Get Laid (with Bo Burnham)


hey welcome to learning how to play

piano good enough to get you laid

Volume one simply owning a piano is

impressive enough so let's start to play

some notes hey how did you get this

piano into your dorm room how you get

anything anywhere how to pay the whole

thing purple lesson number one be

introspective the less you say the

sexier you are now this next piece is

off the soundtrack about that movie

about that dog no Air Bud sounds

complicated doesn't it but look at my

hands I'm actually just playing the same

three notes over and over again lesson

number two learn how to play arpeggios

oh so beautiful oh it's nothing it's

just a series of our pages

lesson number three say the word

arpeggio as much as possible even if it

doesn't make sense your eyes they're

like arpeggios on fire well thanks the

only thing sexier than a pianist is a

songwriter notice how I didn't make an

easy pianist joke because integrity is

sexy as well lesson number four play a

chord nod thoughtfully and then scribble

a few dots in the shooting music don't

worry you don't actually have to know

how to write music squiggles will do the

trick that's what I'll be about you if

you're feeling ambitious modestly tussle

your hair a little bit


everybody knows how to play heart and


even these vapid soulless groupies so

use this opportunity for a duet I'll

take the top you take the bottom that's

number five union Unite right

listen number five piano benches are

ridiculously small so use this to your


well yeah rubbing off at the top when

did you learn to play piano when do

people learn anything what is learning

what is the piano are we here is this

real you know yeah

arpeggio lesson number six an octave

spans eight keys but that's all

technical mumbo-jumbo gypsy talk more

importantly than that it lets you show

off how big your hands are so you know

piano enough to get you laid so if you

want to get real lessons to pay for and

that's fine but I've not I'm gonna join

my harem whatever that's if you like

this video cassette you'll love learning

how to play the recorder to look

nostalgic so remember third grade