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What Are The Roles Of A Good Mother? 3 Things Every Mom Of Boys Should Do | Coach Sean Smith

in this video I'm gonna share with you

three things that boys need from their

moms regardless of whether the father is

present or not I'm Shawn Smith I've been

coaching and training for 14 years now

I'm a geek when it comes to human

behavior of all kinds and what I'm most

fascinated by are the ingredients that

lead to the behavior patterns as they

show up and where adults and all the

things that we're trying to change so in

this video I want to dive into the

deeper ingredients of what boys need

from their moms in order to live a more

grounded a more joyful and more happy a

more successful life however you define

them anytime we get into these

discussions about parenting or

relationships or anything that involves

human collision it can get messy and

there's so many different variables so

many different questions to ask so many

different what-if scenarios that don't

fit any given set of rules or any sort

of box now this video is not going to be

a thousand hours long otherwise I would

try to handle all those things so if you

have any questions that aren't really

addressed please ask a comment or make a

comment ask a question and I'll get back

to you to help you in your scenario as

best I can

and I published videos on this channel

every week so make sure that you comment

subscribe click the like button if you

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videos if you want to stay in this

conversation about really all things

humanity the first thing boys need from

their moms is to experience true

feminine love the feminine energy

doesn't have conditions so the true

feminine energy has unconditional love

regardless of performance now that

doesn't mean you can't focus on

performance or help people change

behaviors and so forth but you can't

give a sense that your love your

nurturing is conditional upon their

behaviors their actions their grades

that they pull in and give them the sin

of unconditional feminine love so you

want to nurture your boys regardless of

their behaviors that doesn't mean

celebrate bad behavior you can focus on

bad behavior you can talk about the

rules that need to be enforced and set

boundaries and all those things without

them feeling like you are withholding

your love it's hard for men to do that

it's much easier for women to do it

although a lot of women don't so when we

mess up and of course we will we want to

know that our mom is not going to

withhold her emotional nurturing and

caring and actually that will cause us

to amend our behaviors a lot more than

if we feel like our enoughness our value

our love from our mom is conditionally

tied to how we behave however inside of

your unconditional feminine nurturing

don't teach us how to be a man it's not

your role to teach us how to be a man

it's your role to teach us that you

won't leave on our journey into manhood

because we are going to fall we're gonna

stumble we're gonna break some bones

figuratively and literally and when that

happens your job as the feminine

nurturer is to hold this space while we

figure ourselves out and please don't

try to prevent us from getting hurt

don't try to prevent us from having our

feelings hurt from learning the lessons

that we absolutely need to learn in

order to build the strength that we will

need later on in our lives it's like the

story of the caterpillar into the

butterfly if you remove the caterpillar

too early because it's struggling its

wings won't be developed enough to be

able to fly and a lot of times moms try

to prevent their sons from experiencing

anything negative to the detriment of

that boys masculinity being developed

and final

inside this nurturing conversation

please be really careful about not

emasculating your boys see the masculine

energy wants to provide perform and

protect for the feminine sometimes it

might look like we're trying to impress

the masculine but we're actually doing

this for the feminine so when the

feminine cuts us down it hurts at a

deeper level then when the masculine

cuts us down so just be very careful of

anything that sounds like you're

attacking your son's manhood in any way

because that lasts so long and for a lot

of men it actually never gets cleared or

cleaned or healed so a lot of

emasculation starts real early in the

development process coming from the mom

now I can't give me any rules to say

always say this and never say that but

if you understand what's happening

inside that little boy's head and what's

happening from the masculine energy

you'll be able to think on your feet and

just be more aware of comments that

could have come out or comments that did

come out so he can take him back as best

you can and discuss that no matter what

he does no matter how messy he gets no

matter how much he fails you'll still be

there loving him as his mom so let me

give you an example of this let's say he

tries to hang a picture on the wall and

he messes up and he hits his thumb or it

puts a hole in the wall or he breaks the

frame for his mom to say oh I'll just do

it you can't do anything that hurts so

deep and that's a cut that will probably

be carried around by him for the rest of

his life so for the most part you just

don't want to attack his ability to

perform his ability to provide whatever

it is that he's trying to accomplish and

his ability to protect sometimes that's

protecting himself

protecting siblings protecting toys

protecting

those are the three pillars of

masculinity and you want to allow him to

develop those while you're holding this

nurturing space for him number two take

care of yourself a little boy's first

crush is usually going to be on his mom

and a little girl's first crush is

usually going to be on her dad so the

boy is looking at mom trying to learn

about boundaries trying to learn about

value and wanting to understand this

opposite energy we intuitively know that

that's a girl and this is a boy and so

we're trying to understand and we're

paying way more attention than moms

realize a lot of times so we're looking

at how you take care of yourself how you

set boundaries for yourself as a way for

us to understand what we can expect in

our relationships now if you show us

that you don't value yourself enough to

take care of yourself then I as your son

might grow up thinking that that's the

level of value that women have for

themselves so why should I elevate their

value any more than that that's what I

saw in my home that's the model that I

was given and one of the things that you

really got to pay attention to is how

you treat yourself emotionally and how

you treat yourself when it comes to your

head talk if the little boy sees you

constantly demeaning yourself sees you

constantly beating yourself up it will

lower his understanding of how the

feminine views herself now what's

happening in that scenario isn't

actually the feminine energy

it's the masculine energy that's beating

herself up but to the boy he just sees

woman he sees female and that's the

opposite energy so you will be able to

share with him through your actions how

he thinks women think of themselves and

therefore how

he will think of women and how he will

treat women so they're watching the show

a lot more than they're listening to the

election and even more specifically when

it comes to relationships a part of you

having boundaries is how you let men

treat you the boundaries you set in your

relationships because the little boy

will generally see himself as the man

especially if it's his father and he

will see this is how men treat women and

this is what women tolerate her this is

what women actually want if the little

boy sees the mom his mom allowing

certain behaviors then the little boy

might actually think that the women want

that and if the mom loves the dad while

the boy wants to grow up to be loved and

how was he taught that men are loved

that men are tolerated that men are kept

around by what he sees the men doing and

what he sees the women allowing and

number three is to show us how you love

and celebrate good men it's more

important to celebrate the goodness and

men than it is to desecrate the badness

in men or all the negative stuff in men

especially when that man is that boy's

father little boys want to be like their

dads and even if the father's behavior

is toxic criminal abusive there's still

a piece of all humans that want to be

like the sex that created them want to

be like the gender that created them so

little boys want to be like their dads

little girls want to be like their moms

until or unless something happens that

changes that so if you cut the legs off

from his dad you'll be doing more damage

than you might understand now that

doesn't mean that you just take the

abuse it doesn't mean that you don't

talk about it that's not what I'm saying

but don't trash his dad as you might

want to what

especially if you're in some kind of you

know fit of anger or something like that

and I know what we're wanting to do in

that moment is teach this little child

that may have seen this or may have

heard it from across the room we're

trying to teach them right or wrong in

that moment what I will submit to you is

that's not the moment to teach them

right or wrong and what lands for the

little boys a lot of times is not what

you want to land for them so you'll be

able to teach them more about what they

want to do in their lives by celebrating

the goodness that you see in men openly

then you will by focusing on the badness

we need a model if you show us a bad

model and say don't do that but not give

us a good model and say do do that then

all we have is an idea of what we don't

want to follow in our lives but we don't

have a clear path to follow and one of

the worst things you can say is I hope

you don't turn out to be like your dad

if you have behavior that you want to

talk about talk about the behavior but

please don't make his dad that the the

thing that made him don't make his dad

to be the bad guy because we got

identities to consider here if the dad

is the bad guy and the little boy either

wants to be like his dad or doesn't

think he can be anything but his dad

then a lot of times that little boy will

grow up and fulfill these labels because

he doesn't know another way so I think

the best way to teach children in all

areas is focus on the behavior so when

he sees a woman in this case his mom

celebrate the behaviors that she wants

he is more likely to want to do those

things because remember he's trying to

perform for protect and provide for the

feminine so by you celebrating the

behaviors that are healthy he will

desire to fulfill those behaviors if you

just tell them what not to do he doesn't

really have another road to follow well

I hope this was valuable I know some of

these concepts are somewhat

controversial so if you don't agree with

anything or you want to ask me some kind

of a what-if type of question please put

your question or your comment down below

in the comment section and either I or

myself either I or myself either I or my

team will get to the comments as quickly

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support in any way you just want to talk

through some of these issues then click

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and we'll help you either deal with some

of this stuff internally or just give

you some advice in your particular

situation and I'll see you in another

video it all comes down to

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all comes down to more water

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