Black People Play 'Black Card Revoked'

- You in the car, she turn around and go,

"Don't touch nothing, don't look at nothing,

don't ask for nothing, or you get a ass whooping."

(electronic music)

- She's gonna lose her black card today.

- First of all, Carlton Banks over here...

- I'm just hoping to at least keep one card.

I feel like cats have nine lives,

I feel like we should get more than one black card.

- There are levels to blackness.

- You lose an Uno card, you're still playing Uno.

- The game is not over.

- Nor do you win.

- Ron is like soy milk, gluten-free black.

- Oh, it's been through some things.

- Well, yes, it's a black card.

- Now I'm scared to lose it.

(funky music)

- Oh, this gives me anxiety.

(Key laughs)

I'm not a good test-taker, God.

- Stop, drop,

shut 'em down open up shop. - shut 'em down open up shop.

- You're gonna stop--

It's, yeah--

- Drop, shut 'em down,

open up shop - Open up shop.

- The thing is...

- There are several answers.

- This is a multifaceted question.

Now, if you're dealing with police,

stop and get a camera.

- I have no idea what any of that is.

Can we phone a friend?

- Is this from the Bible?

- No!

- You know what, Brenda sounds like it might have--

- No, Brenda had a baby.

- [Q] I think it's C.

- I might just roll with you on C,

because I know it ain't D.

- Purple rain, purple rain - Oh...

- Wow.

- Apollonia is a Kanye West line.

I don't know what he's referencing,

or what it is, but I'm just gonna go with that,

because I don't know.

(bell dings)

God is good.

- Did you get that right?

- I did, indeed.

- Look at you!

- The thing is, I asked if it was a Bible verse

and God heard me, and so he said,

"It's not, but here's the answer."

- It was the Holy Spirit.

- Give it to God.

- Mmm, bless. - Blessed be.

- Look at you.

- Oh, this is easy.

- I kinda wanna test it out.

I wanna be introduced to him,

and if he, like, doesn't open up

and tell me kind of, like, his fears

and all of his traumas...

- His, like, credit card number.

- Yeah, like, I wanna see what Future will do.

- [Key] Young Metro don't trust you, I'ma fight you.

- He's the producer.

Oh, you gave me the answer?

- This is mine.

My answer.

- Give us all black people you'd probably have to be

over the age of, like, 50, to get that one wrong.

- I mean, I'll put up C because she said it.

Is it fight?


- If Young Metro don't trust you, I'ma shoot you, eh.

- In the car, she'd turn off the car, look back,

don't ask for nothing, don't look at nothing,

do not touch anything.

- In that order.

- All of them.

- Whose mom said one of them?

- Yeah, yeah, it's like--

- You know what, you don't look at it,

but you can touch it. - Touch it.

- Definitely D - Yeah, definitely D is right.

- All of the above.

- That's how you gotta huddle up, it's like,

Y'all don't touch shit, y'all don't do nothing.

You do a little break.

Break! - Break

- Now who put diabetes in there.


You ain't right.

- I'm gonna go with A, B, and C.

- You like grape drink?

- No, but black people do.

- I don't give a fuck what you say,

everybody like fried chicken,

but we just be flexing it better than everybody.

- I guess fried chicken and...

- Grape drink.

I will say that my authentic stereotypical black self

loves me some fried chicken.

- I think I would say B, grape Kool-Aid.

(buzzer buzzing)

- Fried chicken, live and die by the bird.

- That's why they think you like diabetes.

- That's fine.

- That's a good question.

- Yeah, yeah, 'cause it was a lot of options

- All them options could get you messed up.

- Depending on who you fucking with.

- [Amal] Oh, that's hard.

- I'll fight everybody for all of these.

- I'm gonna go with A.

The potato salad is a staple of a cookout.

- I might have to go with walking in and not speaking,

'cause you don't gotta bring something every time,

'cause some people know that you can't cook.

- A

- I personally don't like potato salad.

I say renege during Spades, are you kidding?

- Uh, yeah.

I think you could get shot for doing that.


- You walk in and you see grandma,

you just don't say nothing,

and you brought somebody with you--

- It don't even matter your attitude,

it don't matter how you feeling.

You better walk in and say something.

- You could be smiling, but you better open your mouth.

- Mom, I'm pretty sure, has said this to me, like,

in Somali.

- Really?


- It's a universal language.

- [Shauna] It is a universal language.

It's the black parents' love language.

- First of all can you imagine your black momma

turn around saying, "Get a clue."


- Straight up, you would need some D.

You would need some McDonald's money.

- Anything, just anything.

It's not just McDonald's.

Ma, can I get this new toy?

Better have some damn toy money.

Oh, Mom, can I go here?

You better have some here money.

- Hey, mom, prom coming up.

You got prom money?

- You got field trip money?

It's $3, mom, pipe down.

- It's a universal thing, everyone knows it.

I think they give it soon as you birth a black child.

They immediately give you a handbook,

and the first page says,

"Repeat at every acceptable situation."

- No, but you gotta say it to your babies, too.

You got formula money?

- I hear you crying, you got diaper money?

- Right

- That feels good to know that

my black card is able to be held on to for today.

- Did you ever doubt that we were gonna have them revoked?


- This is dumb, I don't think I should lose my black card.

Who's getting cussed out for not speaking at a cookout,

because, especially in 2018, Cardi B already addressed this.

- If I don't see you and I don't speak...

It means I don't fuck with you.

(electronic music)